Yes, no - not "an accomplishment." I did not get the results I hoped for, visualized, sought after and strived toward. Yes - I unaccomplished a goal.
The process began in 2020 when I realized there was something I had always wanted to do but never could with my schedule. In the back of my mind I had always wanted to audition for an NFL dance-team. Through school I attended dance classes and occasional audition-prep classes in Miami but it was never the right time. When virtual auditions became an option in 2020 I figured I may as well go for it as my only responsibilities were study for boards and wash my hands. When I tell you I was shocked to move forward in the audition process that year - I was SHOCKED. While I was prepping diligently, I hadn't had as much formal dance training in recent years and couldn't believe I got to interview with my dream team. While the process ended for me before finals, I was left with an enormous sense of pride for having come so far.
As life evolved over the next 2 years, this opportunity seemed further and further away. But, in the wake of enormous life changes at the end of 2022 I figured it was time to dust off my shoes and hit the studio -- and I'm so glad I did.
My 2023 auditions ended, again, prior to finals. But WOW the experience has invigorated me once more and reminded me of how truly capable and powerful I am. From weekly dance classes, to daily yoga practice, visualization and mantra exercises, to prioritizing my health again I have found so much strength derived from determination.
One would think not accomplishing the goal [making the team] would have left me feeling lost or confused, but I left the first round feeling such pride for having come so far since November. After Semis, I felt hopeful for the answer that I wanted but, again, pride for showing up for myself. For performing, striving and bettering myself along the way. While the answer I may have wanted was a yes, the answer I needed this time was a no. I have room to flourish in all different directions.
The excitement I felt at the end of both days has not been lost on me. Standing in front of judges and a room full of beautiful, talented men and women I did not feel the crippling anxiety of messing up or being "not good enough." I credit this to my dedication to the visualization practice, to telling myself daily I AM good enough, and to showing UP for myself each week at Full Out in Oakland. Who knows what the next chapter of this journey looks like, but for now I will feel a sense of pride and unaccomplishment for what's been done.